So, I know I haven't blogged in about a year and a half. The reason being I was taking a break from it for awhile. Trying to "fast" from blogging while the Lord was doing work in our family's life. Giving it all to him. The day that I decided to stop blogging I wrote a big long post on the reason why. . As I am starting to see... God works all the time... it may not be in your time and it may not be what YOU had planned for yourself. But he is molding and shaping you... because he is the potter and you are the clay.
As you all know, Jon swore to protect our country as an airman in the United States Air Force in late May of 2012. I can with certainty say that this was one of the proudest moments as a wife that I had ever had. Since we handed our family over to the military it has been a constant roller coaster of emotions. At first, during Jon's 3 month long deployment for OTS we questioned weather this was the right direction we should be going. We prayed and we prayed. So hard. After discussing it over and over Jon was put to the test at OTS by what I believed to be the LORD and passed with flying colors. Weeks after that our home which realtors said had a nearly impossible chance of renting out for the amount we were asking was leased to tenants that are paying their rent vigilantly and have proven to be reliable (As much as we know. lol). The LORD cared for our marriage consistently throughout Jon's deployment and has continued to prove himself time and time again in every circumstance. We got to Pensacola easily... got a home on base easily... and received a vast amount of awesome friends in the process.
There are times that I weigh out the pros and cons of the military. When I get home sick for my family.... when I think of how much my parents and Jon's parents miss the kids.... when I think of my best friend. I get sad. I wonder..... "will it ever be permanent?" "Will I ever find a friend like my best friend?" And the answer is no. But now we are in a different season of life. And I believe HE is using it to help us grow stronger and closer as a family. Earlier I said I decided to stop blogging a year ago because I truly believed the LORD was going to do something amazing in our lives. That he was about to move mountains... and I can clearly say without a doubt that he has. 4 months after I wrote the post below the Air Force called Jon out of the blue and directly recruited him to become an officer in the Air Force. If this doesn't prove to you that the LORD is there and that HE loves us. I don't know what will. I urge you all to read with a curious heart. Because it simply boggles my mind to read about where we were versus where we are now.
"I'm Here. I'm With You."
It was a Thursday night. Jon had been unusually late coming home from work. He told me he had to meet with co-workers to discuss a new version of something coming out but he said he would be home by 6:30p. It was 8 pm when my husband came through the door. A little miffed I stared at him expecting an explanation as to why he was so late. I knew it was for work... and looking back on this situation I wish my immediate reaction to his return home was sympathetic. He walked up to me while I was finishing the laundry... looked me in the eyes and uttered the words that would change our family drastically. "They're outsourcing my position at work." Thinking back to that moment I can't remember anything. No sounds in the background...not even what was in my hand at the time. All I remember was that I had a huge lump in my throat. The kind you get when your brain goes into panic mode. Immediately my head started reeling with "recovery" solutions if you will.
I hugged Jonathan and told him everything was going to be fine. Even though I didn't believe it myself. When receiving bad news in life, we as humans always look at the worst most negative outcome of the situation. In the first half hour after hearing this, I didn't even think of how God may be using this. That he may be moving in our lives in a way that either A) was beneficial for us or B) was going to bring us closer together as a family. After the first half hour, Jon and I walked around in a little fog. Kind of thinking of ways to run.... to pick up pieces when we were unsure of when things were going to fall apart. Immediately I told Jon that we were both at good standing at Best Buy. We could go back to Best Buy. I then thought of my impending interview with Muddy's Bake Shop. A local bakery that had reached out to me for an interview. It was part time, but for a part time job it paid fairly well and it was a job that I wanted. For those of you that don't know, Muddy's specializes in cupcakes. And we all know how much I adore the cupcake.
Now I was more determined than ever to get this job. Not just for my enjoyment but as a source of income when my husband eventually would lose his job. In our fog we put fresh sheets on our bed and lie down. But oh no.... as a mother and wife..... I was not sleeping. Not yet. I wanted my husband to say he had a plan. I wanted him to be calm and convincing. Because... I know.. I was scared out of my mind. I was scared financially of course... but I was also scared of what would become of our family. Since May I had spend every waking moment with my children and it had been the time of my life. Watching Hannah and Alex grow before my eyes was a constant gift from the Lord and I wasn't giving that up without a fight.
At this point, I started to sob. Uncontrollably sob. For the past hour I had been trying to convince myself and my husband that everything would be ok when I myself was scared out of my mind. Jon grabs my hand and begs me not to cry... that everything will be ok. And I started telling him that I was scared and that I couldn't imagine not being with my children. That it would break my heart for someone else to raise them again. While Jonathan's mom is one of the women I admire and respect most in this world... I wanted to raise my kids. It was all or nothing. If it couldn't be me then I no one could.
While I tried to settle down, and Jon drifted off to sleep... I started hearing the Casting Crowns song in my head... "Praise you in this Storm." And one verse just kept repeating in my head over and over...."I'm with you." I'm with you. I'm with you. Then I realized I was hearing it over and over...."I'm with you." Then I started hearing.... "I love you. I'm with you." For the next hour that I tried to go to sleep... and those horrible thoughts kept creeping into my head I would hear it over and over, "I love you and I'm with you." The Lord was telling me not to be scared, that he was with us. Bible verses and church songs started reeling through my head...
Matthew 11:28 came first.... "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest... Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart... and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Then I heard the lyrics to a song sung at highpoint frequently.... "Then if our GOD is for us than who could ever stop us?"
Hebrews 13:5 came next... "... Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you; So we say with confidence 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"
That night my sleep was so peaceful. My weary head had dreams of Jon losing his job.... but it was peaceful. And I knew GOD was saying something to me. Be at Peace Carolina.
I woke up at 4:30am the next morning. As usual on Monday Wednesday and Friday. However I again had those creeping thoughts... what if what if..... and then I heard it again... clear as a bell.... "I love you. I am with you." Then I heard something else, "I have it all mapped out and it is Good. SO Good."
When I heard that I nearly fell out of bed. I couldn't believe it... I kept thinking to myself.... "is this my mind playing tricks on me?" But I knew.... being a spiritual person... that this was all God. So I prayed one last time... after I had spent the whole night begging him for peace. Lord...... I give this to you. I'm done worrying.... it's all you. And then.... all the sudden.... I didn't hear the phrase I had been hearing all night anymore.... but it still rang in my head.. "I love you. I am with you."
After this, I couldn't sleep obviously. So I decided to get up and write this blog... because it was so unbelievable to me. So incredibly unbelievable. God had only spoken to me one other time..... and it was not really "speaking" persay but a feeling... a hot rush in my head when I asked him what HE wanted me to do regarding staying at home with my children. I knew..... that that was HIS will for me. And THIS is HIS will. I am certain. I decided to blog about this.... because I am almost certain that I will see God move mountains in our lives because of this.... and I wanted to document the situation and witness his outcome. HIS perfect... amazing... good... complete outcome. I am saving it as a draft and posting this when The storm has passed.... because I want all to know that our GOD is mighty to save... and he will deliver us through this. After all is said and done. He is the giver of Life... See you in however long it takes for the LORD's will to be done in our lives readers.
Time Stamped: 9/23/2011 5:55am.
HE is LORD ALMIGHTY.
Carolina.
